Gift giving is often wrapped in excitement, tradition, and big expectations. For many Autistic children however, this experience can feel complicated. The anticipation, the element of surprise, the sensory input of wrapping paper, crowds, noise, social interaction, and the pressure to react “the right way” can all place heavy demands on a child’s nervous system. Even positive events can become overwhelming when too much is happening at once.
One important reminder for families is that how a child responds to a gift may not match what we expect, but that does not reflect their appreciation or joy. Some children internalize excitement. Some need extra time to process. Some express delight quietly or through movement rather than words. And some may not engage with a gift until later, when their body feels more settled. None of these responses mean the moment is unsuccessful. They simply reflect different ways of experiencing the world.
One family recently shared a beautiful example of this. Their child has a very deep interest in elevators. When asked what they wanted from Santa, the answer was not toys, games, or clothing, but literal elevator parts. At first, the parents struggled with the idea. It felt unusual, hard to explain to others, and outside of what they imagined a holiday gift should be. They wondered if they were encouraging something “odd” or missing a chance to broaden their child’s interests. But they decided to lean in and trust what their child was telling them. They found safe, appropriate elevator components and wrapped them with care. On Christmas morning, their child’s joy was unmistakable. It was not loud or performative, but it was deep, focused, and completely genuine. A moment that had once felt confusing became one of the most meaningful gifts that family had ever shared.
This story reminds us that meaningful gifts do not have to look typical. They only have to be meaningful to the child.
Supporting gift giving in autism often means shifting our expectations and designing the experience with regulation, predictability, and emotional safety in mind. Helpful strategies can include:
- Following the child’s true interests. Special interests are powerful sources of motivation, learning, and joy. A gift connected to a child’s real passion will almost always land more meaningfully than something chosen to meet social expectations.
- Reducing surprise when possible. Some children do better when they know what is coming. Sharing a short list of possible gifts, showing pictures in advance, or allowing the child to help choose can lower anxiety and increase enjoyment.
- Managing sensory input. Bright lights, loud music, lots of people, and fast-paced unwrapping can overload a nervous system. Consider quieter environments, fewer people, or spacing gift opening over time.
- Letting go of expected reactions. There is no “right” way to show gratitude or excitement. A calm response, delayed engagement, or private enjoyment is still real enjoyment.
- Allowing processing time. Some children need minutes, hours, or even days before they can fully explore or enjoy a gift. That timing is valid.
- Keeping routines in place when possible. Big schedule changes can be as challenging as the gifts themselves. Holding onto familiar routines around meals, sleep, and regulation supports helps maintain balance.
- Supporting regulation before and after. Movement, music, quiet space, nature, or time with animals can all help the body settle before and after high-stimulus moments.
When we shift our focus away from how things “should” look and toward how the child experiences the moment, gift giving becomes less about performance and more about connection. When children feel safe, understood, and honoured in their interests, the joy that follows is real, lasting, and deeply meaningful.