Executive functioning is a set of brain skills that help us manage daily life. These skills include starting tasks, staying focused, remembering instructions, managing emotions, shifting between activities, and stopping ourselves from reacting impulsively. We use executive functioning all day long, often without thinking about it.
For children, especially neurodivergent children, executive functioning is highly sensitive to stress. When a child feels overwhelmed, rushed, confused, or emotionally dysregulated, these skills temporarily go offline. This is why a child may know how to do something one moment and be completely unable to do it the next. It is not laziness, defiance, or lack of ability. It is a nervous system under strain.
Under stress, we commonly see:
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Difficulty starting tasks, even familiar ones
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Trouble remembering multi-step instructions
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Increased rigidity and distress during transitions
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Impulsive reactions or emotional outbursts
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Shutting down, avoiding, or refusing work
The most effective support is not pushing harder. It is reducing the executive function load so the brain has space to work.
What helps executive functioning in real life
Simple, proactive strategies make a significant difference:
Reduce demands under stress
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Break tasks into smaller steps
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Offer one instruction at a time
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Lower verbal language when a child is overwhelmed
Support task initiation
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Start together rather than expecting independence right away
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Use visual cues or models to show what “starting” looks like
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Allow choice in how or where a task begins
Support memory and organisation
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Use visual schedules, checklists, or written reminders
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Keep routines predictable whenever possible
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Repeat key information calmly, without adding urgency
Support flexibility and transitions
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Give warnings before transitions
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Use visual or time-based cues rather than verbal pressure
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Build in small, proactive breaks before stress escalates
Use movement and sensory input
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Movement, heavy work, and sensory input help regulate the nervous system
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A regulated body supports a regulated brain
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Short, frequent breaks are more effective than waiting for a meltdown
One of the most important messages from our Regulation Made Real conference session is this: a dysregulated adult cannot regulate a dysregulated child. Children borrow regulation from the adults around them. Calm tone, slowed pace, and relational safety matter more than the words we choose.
When we support regulation first, executive functioning becomes more available. When behaviour changes, it is not a signal to push harder. It is a signal to adjust the environment, reduce stress, and support the nervous system.
When the conditions are right, children do well.