As the last days of summer wind down and school supply lists start to fill your kitchen counter, the back-to-school transition can feel like a whirlwind. For families raising Autistic children, the change in routines, environments, and expectations can bring about more than just logistical challenges; it can deeply affect emotional regulation.
This September, we’re encouraging families to shift the focus from “school readiness” to “regulation readiness.”
What is Emotional Regulation, and Why Does it Matter Right Now?
Emotional regulation refers to a child’s ability to manage emotional and physiological responses to their environment. For Autistic children, changes in sensory input, social demands, or schedule disruptions can easily lead to dysregulation.
As Children’s Autism Services’ Executive Director, Terri Duncan, writes in her book Why Emotional Regulation Might Mean…EVERYTHING, “We believe that individuals need to be emotionally regulated in order to learn and grow.” Without that foundation, even the best teaching strategies or therapies may fall flat.
When a child is dysregulated, their nervous system is overwhelmed. This could look like a meltdown, withdrawal, or even appearing “shut down.” These are not behaviour problems, they’re signals that the child’s internal system needs support, not discipline.
Why September Can Be So Challenging
The return to school often includes:
- Sensory changes: Different lighting, sounds, and classroom materials.
- Social changes: New peers, unfamiliar teachers, or increased expectations.
- Schedule changes: New wake-up times, less downtime, and less predictability.
For Autistic children, each of these changes can contribute to heightened stress responses. Many families report increased meltdowns, sleep disruptions, or emotional outbursts during the first few weeks of school.
The “Regulation Reset” Strategy
Instead of jumping straight into academics or therapies, we encourage families to take a step back and focus on regulation first. Here are five simple steps to reset emotional readiness at home:
Reintroduce Routine, Slowly and Soothingly
Start waking up and going to bed at “school time” hours before school begins. Use visual schedules or countdown calendars to prepare your child for what’s coming. Predictability builds safety, and safety supports regulation.
Prioritize Sensory Supports
Is your child sensitive to noise, light, or clothing textures? Try school clothes ahead of time, test noise-reducing headphones, or send sensory tools in their backpack.
Reconnect Through Co-Regulation
Regulation starts with connection. Shared quiet time, cuddles, or even parallel play can help calm both you and your child. As Terri emphasizes, “Without emotional regulation, you can’t learn or develop skills.” Let relationships and connections come first.
Prep the “What Ifs”
Use role play, books, or social stories to talk through common back-to-school scenarios like new teachers, fire drills, and bus rides. Give your child language for expressing their needs (“I need a break” or “That’s too loud”) and practice those phrases together.
Adjust Your Own Expectations
Remember that success in September doesn’t mean perfect attendance, academic milestones, or flawless routines. Success might look like a child who can ask for help when they’re overwhelmed. Or one who comes home tired but content. Your child is not behind, they’re on their own timeline.
When in Doubt, Regulate First
Whether it’s the first day of school or the fifteenth, if your child is struggling, the best question to ask isn’t, “How can I make them behave?” but rather: “Are they regulated?”
As Terri states in her book’s introduction, “I would never prioritize compliance with a ridiculous task over the relationship I have with the child”. And at Children’s Autism Services, that’s our guiding belief as well.
This fall, we invite you to reset the lens. Focus on regulation. Honour the nervous system. And remind yourself that your child’s emotional health is not a detour from learning, it’s the foundation.
We’re Here to Help
At Children’s Autism Services, emotional regulation is a cornerstone of how we support families. If you need help preparing for back-to-school transitions, our team is here to provide compassionate guidance tailored to your child’s needs.